How Difficult Times Have Helped My Writing

I had wanted to write a novel for most of my life, but for many years, I didn’t have the courage to do it. After a serious illness in 2017, I finally decided it was time.

Once I allowed myself to be myself, it opened up a portal I couldn’t turn back from. I grew into myself and I discovered who I truly was.

That's why a lot of my writing is about self-discovery and giving ourselves permission to be who we truly are. I draw from my personal journey and my self-acceptance and put it into my characters in novels. They don’t have the same journey I have, but the journey of self-awareness and self-discovery is a universal one, and one that I translate into my writing.

When it comes to fiction, I am a pantser, which means that I start writing without knowing where the story will go. It’s not the same when I write non-fiction. When I accepted that I had a novel in me that needed to come out, I began one story, and eventually realized it wasn’t the one that was calling to me to complete. I started a second one and the same thing happened.

At the beginning of 2018, I started a third one which turned out to be Lonely Dove, and when I started writing that story, I knew it was it—it would be my first novel. I used a love story and an obsession with finding a soulmate to showcase my protagonist’s journey of self-discovery and self-love, and having just awakened to my own journey of honoring myself, I felt this was the best story to start with.

I also write poetry, and I started doing that in 2020 during the Covid-related lockdowns. It happened unexpectedly, although I had already developed a habit of writing on a daily basis. By then, writing for me was an emotional, mental and spiritual practice. I write my stream of consciousness, and this practice intensified during the lockdowns. I would sit down every morning and free-flow write without judgment. Whatever came into my head went on the page, and it was a way to release my thoughts and feelings, and express my spirituality.

When Covid first hit, I was living by myself and in the eeriness of not being able to see people, not wanting to leave your apartment or not being able to leave your apartment, writing became a real outlet for me.

I started writing and realized that what appeared on the page sounded lyrical. I would read what I wrote and think  to myself that what I wrote sounded like a poem. I had not written poetry before and I had not intended to write poetry, so it seemed odd to me but when I separated the phrases into stanzas, I couldn’t deny that it was a poem.

Once I accepted that I was writing poetry, it just started to flow, and then I couldn’t stop. I started writing poetry in March of 2020 and by November I had something like 150 poems. I didn't know where the inspiration came from but it hasn’t ended. I continue to write poems, as I continue to write novels.

Through this all, I have discovered that I have a different process for writing novels than for writing poetry. Writing poetry is very different for me, not only because it portrays a snapshot or a moment, versus a novel that conveys an entire journey, but also because poetry is personal for me. I convey my thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. In writing a novel, I do that for my characters, and even though I can’t remove my influence, it isn’t me.

Another big distinction is that I am only able to write poetry when I am inspired to do so. I haven’t been able to sit down and say to myself, “okay I’m going to write a poem.” I get a calling to write poetry at all times of the day and in all sorts of places and circumstances, and I capture them by pen on paper. When I edit them, I type them up, but the first version, I always write by hand. When I write novels, I dedicate specific time to it. I can and do decide I am going to write for a certain amount of time, and I sit in front of my laptop and write. I can’t do that with poetry. I also rarely write anything by hand for my novels.

From all of this I can say that writing is different for each of us. It’s important to discover what works for you, and to honor that process.